Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Vulnerability...

...in my opinion, is a two sided coin.

On the one side, you've got people who have absolutely no concept how difficult it is to push past that wall of vulnerability your waning sense of self confidence has erected and put yourself out there, be it emotionally or physically, when it would be just as easy to hide behind that wall for fear of emotional injury, whether it be rejection or an off-handed comment that may or may not be innocently given, but is none the less hurtful. And on the other side, you've got those people who understand perfectly how very hard it is because they live their lives behind that wall and the mere thought of stepping out from behind it leaves their palms sweaty and their hearts racing. I typically fall into the latter of those two sides.

In my last post Freya commented that, "We can be our own worst critics, can't we?" And there are no truer words. I know that I am, without question, my own worst critic in everything I do, from writing all the way down to the image that stares back at me in the mirror.

The lovely Freya also said, "We have to love ourselves first, which is so difficult in a world where the idea is virtually unobtainable by all but the slimmest margin of woman." And she's absolutely right, as is the delectable Nina who said, "All of us are forced to be so self critical of our beautiful bodies because society has decided that a woman is not attractive unless she looks like some mans vision of the perfect female specimen."

With those odds, it's hard not to be our own worst critics and harder still to move past that wall of vulnerability we've erected, but yet there are those of us who occasionally throw caution to the wind and step out from behind that wall. And it's those who humble me because I understand the risks.

I don't kid myself into thinking that the things I write or the feelings I express here will touch or move everyone who passes through here on a daily basis, I imagine a good amount of people skim through my words and move onto the next blog or site without feeling anything at all, but when something I've written does touch someone to the point that they feel confident enough to step out from behind their own personal wall, it's an incredible feeling.

With that thought in mind, and her permission, of course, I'd like to share an e-mail I recieved from Amy of South Coast Pleasure yesterday...

SD,

Your vulnerability moved me. Your photograph touched me. I am not Gay or Lesbian. I am not a writer either. I feel that sensuality is neither male/female or straight/gay. It just is. So here I am returning to you a bit of my vulnerability.


Fingers. Fingers that gently lift the fabric of your gown to reveal the luscious area of desire.

Fingers. Fingers that gently press against the flatness of your tummy, the center, the beginning, oh, the softness of your skin.

Fingers. Fingers that point down, down, down urging, wanting, needing to touch more.

Fingers, my fingers reach, touch to explore, drawn by the power of your beautiful sexuality.

Fingers, my fingers flirt with the silky black material that separates my touch from the soft warm home of your womaness.

Fingers, fingers that find their way to the depths of your physical sensuality. Deep, inside, warm, wet, moving, throbbing, thrusting, orgasmic.

Fingers.

I found this incredibly beautiful. Not only that she'd share such a personal piece of herself with me, but because allowing some of my own vulnerability to slip through allowed her to share some of her own vulnerability with me as well, and now with you.

Thank you, Amy.

And though I've already told her this, I think it merits mentioning here--you don't have to be a writer to write, you just have to feel and as long as anything you write is written with feeling, there's beauty in it.

Last but certainly not least, I want to say thank you to everyone who left a comment on my last post.

OdalisqueK--I think you look fine too, sweetheart.

Nina--Size is no matter, I'll take a handful of your luscious flesh any day. And you know that I find you exquisite and oh so beautiful, don't you?

AAG--I think you're gorgeous too. Sincerely, I do.

Dane--I try not to care what others think of my physical self and with a good amount of people, I don't particularly, but because I love you, I do care what you think. Always. Thank you, darling.

Freya--As are you, gorgeous! And I'll echo your sentiment, I said so. So it must be true.

Jeff--That is such a beautiful quote you left in my comments and I thank you for adding it, my friend! And that lovely gift you gave Dane and I on your blog last night made me weepy (a good weepy). You are a prince and I adore you, you know?

Sasha--Yes, I do believe you have a point! And you're a sexy temptress yourself, sweetness, you truly are.

Posted by SD at 12:15 PM

6 Comments

  1. Blogger vatum & vixen posted at 12:54 PM, April 04, 2006  
    This is just where I have been lately.

    "it would be just as easy to hide behind that wall for fear of emotional injury".

    I think the hardest part is the coming back. Once you go there it is difficult to bring yourself back out. Lucky I have vatum to help me through it all.

    vixen
  2. Blogger Nina posted at 11:57 PM, April 04, 2006  
    SD,
    I can't think of a thing to add here, you have said it all, and said it with such honesty and sincerity.
    Well maybe I will just add this;

    Your words have touched me so many times, in so many ways. They have evoked feelings of love and friendship, fantasy and desire (that hair!), your words are filled with passion, the passion of a lovely, sexy and most important, real woman. I admire your courage, and find you irresistable. I also consider you a woman of integrity and character, these things are so clear to me. They shine thru every word that you write. I am honored to be considered your friend, and I hope you realize that you do touch all of us. Truly.

    I love you my luscious blonde goddess!

    nina
  3. Blogger Sasha White posted at 12:12 PM, April 05, 2006  
    Thank you. Both you and Amy, for sharing such wonderful words with us.
  4. Blogger Aragorn posted at 7:09 AM, April 06, 2006  
    Wonderful posts dear SD !! Sorry that I had no time to leave my thoughts on these any earlier ... I am surely impressed with your words, and always moved. The pictures are nice, so glad you posted these for yourself and us. Wonderful. All I see is a beautiful woman, daring and intelligent (shy too, of course). I find you brave and inspiring in many ways !! Thank you so much for every post, every word and every picture ! - A

    (P.S. Yes ! Amy’s words are wonderful ! Very intimate ... )
  5. Blogger Freya posted at 12:44 PM, April 07, 2006  
    The world of sex blogs is so fake on so many levels. Machination and posturing and odd, shifting and sometimes malicious allegiances can lead you to think that an honest exposure of real feeling isn't heard but in truth it's rings out through the blogsphere like a clarion call.

    We don't need your name or your face or your dress size to recognize depth of emotion and experience.

    So I hear you, doll.
  6. Blogger Jeff posted at 4:25 PM, April 08, 2006  
    I still want to watch!

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